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In the month before my mom died, I would go and visit her and we would just talk about all sorts of stuff. She told me this story. She said that when I was just a few months old, old enough to sit up in my crib, her dad died back in South Dakota. She took my older brother Tom and my sister Mary with her on the train to go back to my grandpa’s funeral. She left me under the care of a neighbor lady because she was going to be gone about a week. She said that when she returned, she made a beeline to my crib to see me. She told me that she opened her arms to pick me up and give me a hug, but I turned away, crossed my arms and wouldn’t go to her. Yes, I rejected her! She remembered that for all of those years and recalled it in the weeks before she died. So, I told her, “I hope you learned your lesson. Never cross me.”
It is common to hear about children who feel scarred by their parents, but children leave marks on their parents also. Today we celebrate Mother’s Day. In the Gospel, the Lord instructs us that “whoever believe in me will do the works that I do, and do greater ones than these.” Jn. 14. Belief in Jesus is the basis for forming children. Parenting is one of the most important missions we have in life. Whether married or single, parents have a unique role in their child’s life. Parents ought to use that role to form their childen in the gospel.
Jesus has a lot to say about family in the gospel.While Jesus was still talking to the crowd, his mother and brothers stood outside, wanting to speak to him. Someone told him, “Your mother and brothers are standing outside, wanting to speak to you.” He replied to him, “Who is my mother, and who are my brothers?” Pointing to his disciples, he said, “Here are my mother and my brothers. For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother.” Mt. 46-50
For Jesus, God is the foundation for family. Jesus spent a lot of time helping families. He raised the widow of Nain’s son from the dead out of pity for his mother. Lk. 7:11-17. He used a loving father as an example of God’s love in the story of the prodigal son. Lk. 15:11-32. He raised Lazarus from the dead for his sisters, Martha and Mary. Jn. 11:1-44. He protected women from abandonment in the ancient world by teaching against divorce and affirming that adultery is wrong. One man wanted to follow him and asked Jesus for permission to bury his father first. Jesus replied, “Let the dead bury the dead.” Mt. 8:22. Jesus did not teach that blood is thicker than water. He did not glorify the family as a natural union. Instead, Jesus taught that the foundation of the family is only secure in a life of faith.
Prayers is foundational in the life of the Christian family. My mom and dad used to pray a morning offering with us on the way to school. We prayed around the table when we ate dinner together. We attended church on Sunday.
Charity is an example that undermines selfishness in the family. When we were little kids dad and some of his friends used to load up a moving van with toys and food and we would travel to Rocky Point to put on a Christmas party for the children there. It was a much smaller and poorer town then. We would all gather at the school there and hand out hot dogs and toys. I still have movies my dad took of those moments. I remember once pulling into Rocky Point late at night and looking over on the side of road at a family that was gathered around a little table in a packing crate they used as a home. In our parish, we have families that help with the St. Mark Sandwich Squad.
Reading, mathematics, science have their place in educating children. But the most profound lessons are those of faith, learned in the home. Preparing children for the world, not just protecting them from it is rooted in imparting a life of faith. Our families are part of a larger family, the church. Video games and soccer are not the foundation of happiness. Instead prayer, charity, works of mercy, hospitality and a critical reflection on the meaning and use of possessions give children the appropriately critical perspective they need to engage the world around them without losing their souls. Prayer, charity, forgiveness are all the lessons of a Christian home. We can leave scars on each other, but deeper lessons of prayer and charity ought to be learned as well.