The Art of Living and Dying Well

Readings for the 22nd Sunday in Ordinary Time

Humans long for immortality, but don’t know what to do with themselves on a boring Sunday afternoon.  So, what’s your plan for eternity? The idea of suffering and death is scary. Not just suffering. Not just death. But what happens after?  “The idea of death, the fear of it, haunts the human animal like nothing else.[i]” Why else would we willingly put up with a medical system that seemingly will spend any sum to keep us alive for a few extra days or weeks? We don’t live that much longer, instead we die more slowly. We are all more content with what we know. There have been various philosophical approaches to death over the centuries. The philosopher Plato reportedly called for a flute player to pipe away while he was dying, tapping his finger to keep the time. We look to the past for examples of how to die.

St. Augustine, whose feast day we just celebrated, lived in a world that did not have penicillin, aspirin, anesthesia, morphine or much of an understanding of the importance of washing your hands or wearing a mask. Still, then as now, all happiness in his world and ours is at best temporary and deeply problematic. St. Augustine reasoned that that our hearts desire a supreme good and that the supreme good must be in another world because it is not available in this world. The supreme good for us would be eternal happiness. We all want that. If eternal real happiness could not be found in this life, it must be found if found at all, in another life.

Albert Camus, the famous atheist, existentialist philosopher and author once wrote, 1500 years after St. Augustine,  that the only real question for philosophy was whether one ought to commit suicide. In the opening lines of The Myth of Sisyphus, he wrote:

There is but one truly serious philosophical problem, and that is suicide. Judging whether life is or is not worth living amounts to answering the fundamental question of philosophy. The Myth of Sisyphus

Camus claimed that he saw many people die because they judged that life was not worth living.  I think I knew four kids that took their life in high school or soon thereafter. I still think about them and pray for them. We should all understand how fragile life and happiness are.  Life can overwhelm our modest strengths and virtues. Camus once pointed out that your reason for living might also be your reason for dying. That existentialist paradox is at the heart of today’s Gospel.

The meaning of life, the search for that meaning, is the most urgent of all questions. All happiness in this life is provisional.  I am happy provided that I am healthy, safe, comfortable and loved. You don’t have to be a believer to accept the truth of that. Jesus speaks of happiness, death, suffering, shame and faith in the Gospel today in a way that is uncompromisingly blunt. Do you want to save your life?  Think about this. It is the one serious question in our lives.

Matthew 16:21-27
Last week, Peter made his confession of faith at Caesarea Philippi (cf. Matt 16:13-20)  Jesus said that Peter was the rock on which he would build his Church and the gates of death would not overcome it. Jesus then described his upcoming passion and death. Peter drew Jesus aside to talk him down off the ledge; you can’t really mean what you are saying. The Lord rebuked him, “Get behind me Satan!”  Remember, how Satan tempted Jesus in the desert to misuse his power for his own benefit? Peter was playing the Satanic role in the Gospel.

Then Jesus looked Peter in the eye and said,

“Whoever wishes to come after me must deny himself, take up his cross, and follow me.  For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. What profit would there be for one to gain the whole world and forfeit his life?  Or what can one give in exchange for his life?  For the Son of Man will come with his angels in his Father’s glory, and then he will repay all according to his conduct.” Matthew 16:24-27

Lose your life to save it. What does this life have to offer? Love, family, friendship, beauty, some other more temporary appetites and thrills followed by inevitable suffering and loss. There is a reason why we Catholics use the Way of the Cross as a meditation. Jesus said that we are supposed to walk behind him and imitate him.  The paradox of discipleship is the paradox of the cross. There is no other ladder to heaven without the shame and the suffering of Good Friday. When you walk behind Jesus and his cross, what do you see?

The Ars Moriendi: The art of dying well
Christian morality is the art of living well and dying well. Morality is our plan for life and death. The Ars Moriendi ("The Art of Dying"), was written in Latin and dates from the early 15th Century. It offered advice to late medieval on how to prepare for death. The Black Death, another plague, was bringing massive dislocation to European society. That dislocation created distrust in God and the Church. Many other books have followed over the centuries advising on how to prepare for death. In our own country, with its predominantly Protestant background, various versions of the Ars Moriendi informed people how to deal with death. Having family around the death bed was important. There were rules about how long after death women should wear their black dress and veil their face. Men used to wear a black armband as a sign of mourning. The Ars Moriendi is not just about how you prepare for your own death, but also how you prepare for and think about the death of those you love most in life.

The American Civil War that upended so much of American customs surrounding death. Dr. Drew Gilpin, past president of Harvard University and the author of “This Republic of Suffering” explained how the carnage of the American Civil War both on and off the battlefield challenged concepts of the good death. As the war drug on, advances in embalming found their way into the American experience of death. Embalming, concrete lined holes and perpetual maintenance increased the cost of burial. That is wear the funeral industry began. The increased cost of burial today has encouraged many Catholics to make their final arrangements by coming to terms with cremation. The Church permits cremation but insists that the cremated body be treated with respect and interred in consecrated ground. Otherwise, mom, dad, your spouse or other loved one ends up in the home or spread out in some dramatic spot. Sometimes, in the thrift shop. Our long history of Christian burial means we treat even cremated remains with respect and inter them in consecrated ground.

What does it mean to die well? First, let your loved ones know what you want. Don’t be afraid about doing some funeral planning. Don’t be afraid to talk honestly about how the one you love wants to be treated after death. Don’t take body and soul for granted. That is who we are. Then, here are some ideas about how to follow our Lord up Mt. Calvary.

Do as Jesus did, forgive the sinner hanging on her cross next to you!
Some think that the best death is quick and painless. No, that is not the best death. Avoiding suffering when you reasonably can is a good thing. But ‘Good’ belongs to God and good = mercy. A good death, the best death, is when you’re or your loved one can mend fences, build bridges, tie up loose ends, and leave nothing about love unsaid.  In short, Jesus’ death on the cross was a time of reconciliation. Remember, the Good Thief was promised paradise and so there is hope for each of us.  Being in the room where someone is dying, surrounded by family is one of the great experiences of faith and love you will ever experience. It is also the experience of reconciliation. Some families do it very well, especially estranged family members which is often the case. Death has the capacity to be a moment of great healing.

Do as Jesus did, strive to accept God’s will!
Should you pursue reasonable courses of care to maintain your life? Absolutely! Should you use reasonable, medical resources to manage pain, anxiety and discomfort? Absolutely! Should you hope that every sacrifice, act of mercy, corporal and spiritual, that you have performed for love of Christ and your neighbor will bear fruit in your life to come? Absolutely!  All of our lives are in God’s hands; they always were since the day of our baptism. Hope is always about another place that changes how we feel about this place. In home dying in bed, at the side of the dying in hospice or in the hospital, you are in God’s hands. You are safe. Your loved one is safe in God’s hands. All other ideas of safety are an illusion.  Yes this is hard; everything truly profound is hard work. You cannot give away what you can’t accept.

Remember, to call the parish for the anointing of the sick, that is, extreme unction, the last rites.  Earn brownie points and the thanks from the priest by doing it in advance and in the middle of the day. One time I was called to the hospital at 2 am to anointing a lady who eventually died. She was, however, upon my arrival, sitting up in bed eating meatloaf and mashed potatoes with gravy. Some charity for the priest means someone else will now pray for your soul with fervor! However, an emergency is an emergency.

Do as Jesus did, give your death away!
Truthfully, you will always be at the center of your own death. That is why you can give it away. My mom had advice for us kids very near the end, “Faith is the greatest gift” she said. Her dad had done something very similar. He had said, according to the priest who have his funeral homily, “The things of this world are as of naught.” Mom and her dad had prepared for their death and thought of what they wanted to say to leave their loved one’s with something good to remember.

During the Civil War, soldiers were advised to have pictures of loved ones around them when they died. They wrote final letters to home. If you remember Ken Burns’ The Civil War, an award winning documentary film, it began with a letter home from Major Sullivan Ballou, who was killed at the First Battle of Bull Run on July 21, 1861. This last letter was written to his wife just before he died in battle.

But, O Sarah! If the dead can come back to this earth and flit unseen around those they loved, I shall always be near you; in the gladdest days and in the darkest nights … always, always, and if there be a soft breeze upon your cheek, it shall be my breath, as the cool air fans your throbbing temple, it shall be my spirit passing by. Sarah do not mourn me dead; think I am gone and wait for thee, for we shall meet again …

Probably no one writes letters to their wife like that anymore. His body was buried near the battlefield. Later, Sarah had him dug up and brought home. At her death, she was buried by his side where they both wait for the Resurrection to this day. Their family knows where they are and that they are safe. The Ars Moriendi helps us to come to terms with life that goes on without us because we lose our life, we give life away, so that God can give it back to us healed.


[i] Anthropologist Ernest Becker, “The Denial of Death” (1973)

Planning a good death https://www.artofdyingwell.org/what-is-dying-well/